The P.O.S.H. Life (Pursuit of Strength & Health)

Al Green asked a great question, “How can you mend a broken heart?” In reality…you really can’t, you simply adjust. As we exist in the heart of summer, I am hearing tales of my fellow brothers getting the pink slip in the realm of dating and relationships. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the areas of comfort of convenience, but how well he can handle a break up.

There are many articles out there about what to do when the woman you thought was Ms. Right breaks your heart, with standard advice like get up off your feet, meet new people ... The truth is that a breakup is often a painful and dreadful experience. It’s the pain that has no name. There is no easy solution because the only remedy is time.

In my lifetime I've seen too many examples of perfectly rational men losing their minds when their girlfriends, boos, or significant other leave them simply because they feel they don't have control over their lives anymore.

When a woman drops the pink slip on you, it is really over. You may feel the need to panic and beg for her back. Maybe you’ll do anything to make things right. But no matter how you try, you can't get her back or get back to the way things used to be. Getting the woman of your past out of your present is a mental and emotional challenge of the first order.

As men we get stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with the ex. The result of such a belief is a double-edged rejection sword. First comes the initial sting originating from the breakup itself; then comes the heartbreaking hope that she will return; then finally the eventual realization that she is gone for good.

All this pain could be kept short and sweet if we learn to accept the decision made by your ex. By waiting around and hoping, any man is trapping himself in an endless circle of torture.

There's only one thing left for you to do: Forget her. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but with these five things, you'll forget her and pick up the pieces of your shattered heart -- and manhood -- in no time.

1- Get closure

It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of it crystal clear. She needs to tell you: "I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together." After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call "closure." And you can begin to heal.

2- Silence is Golden

After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her an e-mail. Don’t show up at her house or apartment. Don’t text her. Don't send flowers. Don't send letters or cards. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.

She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign. She will try to text you or maybe Gchat you to start small talk. It’s a trap. As soon as you engage in a conversation, rest assured that she will try her best to end the conversation quickly and swift.

If you feel for the sake of sanity it is wise to send her a letter. Keep it short, simple, and sweet. Feel free to use the following template.

Dear (Insert Name),

I write this letter to thank you for all that you have been to me. I thank you for all that you have been in my life and for the many ways you have served and supported me. We have had many great times together and it is apparent that this relationship no longer serves us and what we desire. Good luck with your future endeavors. Take care.

3- Avoid her friends & the places she hangs

Women are very territorial. If I’m lying then I’m flying. Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too -- at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with mutual friends.

4- Hang out with the fellas

It’s a part of life. A little bit of male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. This is your saving grace. Back in the day, the men used to sit around the house, pop in the old school songs, and laugh, joke, and talk about the mysteries of life and bad relationships.

5- File thirteen anything that reminds you of her

You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out your line of vision. Save your sanity. If you find it difficult, this means that you can't let go and you're still hoping for her to return to you. Guess what my brother…she’s not returning. Believe me, once you meet another woman, all those pictures of your ex will become meaningless. Invest in a Sony Playstation 3, secure a personal trainer, and start drafting plans for Operation: Swagger Back.

Disclosure: All jokes aside, relationships end for various and different reasons. When it’s over, just remember to have a sense of dignity, don’t do anything crazy, and allow your mind, soul, and body to heal.