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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

We have moved

Check out P.O.S.H. at our new home


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Posted by CocoaDiva at 1:59 AM 1 comments

Saturday, August 16, 2008

5 Myths About Women and Dating


There are a few common misconeptions men have about women and dating. I thought I would bring up a few of them to clear up a few rumors in the male locker room. Ladies help me out.

Myth #1: Strong Women Don't Need to Be Taken Care Of
Sure we can conquer the world, are confident, and successful. Sometimes, we just want you to help us even if we can do it ourselves. We like being supported, nurtured, and taken care of. We even want you to ask if we need help. It lets us know you care. We still want you to wear the pants. Hey, we might even iron them for you.

Myth #2 – Women just don’t get along with each other and will throw each other under the bus for a man.
Strong, independent, smart women get along famously. They seek each other out and strive to support one another. There are women who behave in a catty way when it comes to other women, being rude or purposely excluding them, but these women don’t represent the norm. Many women have friends they have kept for years and won't ditch them when "Mr. Right" comes around. We keep those girls around because of our built in support system. Just like guys bounce things off their boys....that's what our girls are for.

Myth #3 – Some women are really just one of the boys.
Women are women. Not boys. Not men. Women might have hobbies that men also enjoy, but any women that tells a man that either “women don’t like her” or “she gets along better with men” probably thinks if she acts like a guy it will make her more attractive. However, a woman with no female friends should raise an eyebrow. Women who have strong bonds with other women can make better emotional partners. Like women need to watch out for a guy with only female friends....a man should watch out for a woman with only male friends. Very few "friendships" start off platonic. Someone was interested and the other party was not and is waiting for that window of opportunity.

Myth #4: Women aren't in to sex like men
Lies and deception. We like sex just like you do. Many of us won't open up to you when we first meet you or until further in the dating game because we have to determine your intentions. Once a woman feels comfortable with you she can go no holds barred. We like trying new things too! Most women are willing to try most things at least once if their partner is in to it. If you are in a healthy relationship it all boils down to communication. If you both like it ...don't be suprised to see it again. If either of you didn't like the result, speak up and try something new. We want our O too dammit!

Myth #5 Women automatically think of Marriage
Not true. We may not even be on the marriage track in our lives and just want to feel out the dating scene. If we are seriously dating you and not in it for kicks and giggles then women start thinking marriage. If we can't see you raising our kids, or being the head of our household its time cut our losses. Its not automatic but the thought comes when we have been dating you for awhile.

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Posted by CocoaDiva at 5:35 PM 2 comments

Friday, August 15, 2008

How to Keep Her Attention


So you got her to go out with you and you are genuinely interested. How do you keep her attention and hungry for more? I found a great article at MyBrotha.com which can give you a few tips. (I can't spit my own knowledge everyday..gotta work!)

A lot of women don't mind the suave words and phrases you may use. Some may even be flattered by those words. But it takes more than a few chessy lines to keep her from wavering. Even more important, how do you handle getting her attention and keeping it for longer than a single day? The answers can be both complex and simple at the same time.

Now before you settle on using lame pickup lines that were probably worthless during your high school days, consider the fact that most women have been exposed to the game for a lot longer than they care to mention. There aren't many pickup lines women haven't heard before. If you want to reap the benefits of meeting and keeping a quality woman, try some of these techniques and take note of the differences in these -- and the ones you may currently use.


Track Star
Women love attention. But most do not wish to be feverishly chased into a corner where they feel trapped or smothered. There is a fine line between showing a woman an adequate amount of attention, and dishing out more than she can handle. Attention isn't some substance she can peel off in chunks and use for a later date. The amount you show her at any given moment should be calculated with care. After all, you're in this for a reason, right?

So stop running so fast. Those old clichés about "chasing the woman" and using the, "full-court press", are out-dated and overrated. Besides, men can never keep up with those reputations and this will be painfully evident soon after a woman accepts the invites and the chase settles down a bit.

Low-level Contact
For some reason, there is no in-between for guys. We either don't call the women we claim to be interested in, or we give new meaning to the term, "hotline". Phone calling should be kept to a minimum. That's right. Totally opposite from the traditional phone-blasts many men present, women look for sincere phone calls that show desire and thoughtfulness. Besides that, you have to remain somewhat of a challenge. If a woman expects you to call too often, you need to do exactly the opposite.

These phone calls or emails don't have to be 5-hour marathons, or 4-page soliloquies. Two quality phone calls during the week, is 99-times better than ten sorry ones over two days.

High-level Reception
Men are notorius for being the aggressors, and disappearing like ghosts when women try to reach them. While most women won't pursue men indefinitely, many will initiate telephone calls or emails if their interests have been piqued. The result should be a man who is available to answer those calls or messages from time to time. This means, if you are an extremely difficult person to get a hold of at any point in time, her attention-meter begins to swing towards the negative numbers. (In these instances, negative numbers are not good!)

In other words, be available. One of the first negative characteristics women tag to a man's persona, is his ability to show up. Of course, you don't have to be in every spot she expects to find you, but the harder it is for her to reach you, the easier it is for her to stop trying.

Support her Goals
It's not all about you. The sooner you learn this, the better. Your goal here is to be known as a man who listens and shows affectionate attention without being asked or coerced.

We're living during the times of the independent sista, so most women you meet will already have goals, aspirations, and dreams to strive for. Some may already be in the midst of realizing those dreams, and how you handle the reception of those dreams, is important for the future.

If you don't understand her desire to collect stamps, or open a Shetland pony farm, show an interest in the fact that she has dreams, even if you don't like what she's dreaming about.

Don't Do Anything
You got it. Meet with her, sit with her, stand at the counter in McDonald's with her, and do absolutely nothing. There's no need to go overboard in the impression department. There is nothing wrong with pointing out your talents every now and then, but don't worry about making earth-shattering revelations, or solving the world's problems when you meet.

Just be yourself enjoy the quality moments you have. There will be plenty of time to shine if you have her attention.
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Posted by Posh at 11:38 PM 1 comments
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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Computer Love

It is relationship week here at P.O.S.H., so we continue with another discussion in this world we call dating. Ever since the creation of time, men have utilized the latest technological advances to better their hand in the relationship game. Almost everyone has an online profile with a social site such as MySpace, which is a place where you can leave comments, links, pictures, and videos, each of which can be used to express your unique affection for her.

Although officially Facebook is not an online dating site, many consider it to be one in disguise. Thousands of people looking for romance click on profiles to see if they're cute, or if they have similar interests that might spark a relationship. The internet finally affords men the ability to think about what they say before they say it. Where a live conversation necessitates a rapid response, the internet allows men to really read and absorb what she has said before saying something stupid or missing a flirtatious cue.

So? What's wrong with that?


The answer is, plenty. And although even I think that it's way too late to put the Facebook genie back in the bottle, there are some things to think about that should make you go hmm when you consider developing a serious relationship via Facebook.
Most people decide that someone on Facebook interests them because of their profile. What exactly does the Facebook profile tell you? Well, it tells you the person's past academic credentials, possibly their age, their hobbies and interests, favorite movie, books, music, etc. And lots of people think that common profile elements are a strong reason to begin cultivating a relationship.

Hmm....

That means that, when you finally go out with your Facebook date, you feel as though you already know them. You have lots to talk about, because you have common interests. The relationship develops more and more and you become deeply involved, to the point where you begin to think you might actually have found your real, true soul mate.

Just one problem: You don't know very much about this person.
You know that you have common interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. But a deep, lifelong relationship cannot be based on the fact that you both love Jay Z, your favorite book is Sun Tzu: The Art of War and you've both seen Love Jones 15 times. It's not enough to know that you both enjoy football and love cupcakes. There are other, deeper and far more fundamental issues that you need to explore before you can make any kind of long-term decisions.

Hmm....

So how do you figure out if the person you're dating is really the right one for you? It's actually somewhat easier than you think. I feel that there are four deal-breakers, four non-negotiable factors in finding your computer love.
Look for someone who:

1) Has Redeeming Characteristics
The internet can make anyone look good and appear flawless. How can you find out what is her core value? Does she lie? Is she deceptive? Why does she have so many pictures of her with a drink in her hand? Na’mean.

2) Is 100% Single
Let that marinate.

3) Has Good Communication Skills
In other words, communication skills (something difficult to appreciate over the Internet!). Make sure that you are both on the same wavelength, so that you don't enter a relationship that is replete with frequent disagreements that later turn out to be misunderstandings. You don't need that headache. Although minor misunderstandings can always occur, check to make sure that they are relatively infrequent.

4) Is Attractive to You
Physical attraction is the one, essential aspect you might think Facebook portrays accurately. Shout out to Clay Davis from The Wire but SHEIIIIT! Think again. People are not always the same in real life as they are in the photos on their page. While sometimes the person may be much better looking in life than in a still, many times it works the opposite way. If this happens, and you find yourself disappointed in your date's physical appearance, don't say I didn’t warn you. Ha.
Remember, just because you’re on a high-speed internet connection, it doesn’t mean you need to speed up the process with regards to dating.


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Posted by Chauncey at 4:38 PM 1 comments

10 Dating Mistakes Men Make


Caution....I am about to get ignant and possibly vulgar. If you don't want to know what mistakes your making..look to your right and select a new post.

So you want a girlfriend huh? Well let me clue you into a few pitfalls men fall into with women. If you keep it simple you might just make it kid. A lot of these mistakes are what lead to men complaining about "crazy, gold diggin, angry black women" Do your part and clean up the Black dating scene and clear the myths out of your mind. Trust us...it ain't all us causing the trouble.

1. Be Honest -
If you are hung up on your ex figure that mess out then talk to us ..matter of fact don't talk to us. If you want to just have sex, let us know so we can ride out or move on quick fast and in a hurry. If you want a relationship say so and make sure she has landed in relationship zone on the board game. Don't tell us what you think we want to hear. We are too old for "I think I can". You know if we spark that fire in your mind or just in your pants. Keep it gangsta.

2. Give a Damn and Have Common Courtesy -
Why is it that women try to cater our lives around what men think or do? Men, care what we think. Listen to what we have to say. Do like they taught you in kindergarten and pick up on context clues. Those clues will key you in to a whole lot and will prevent many an argument. If your not that into her cut it off. If you are into her ....call her back, show up when you are supposed to, follow through, don't be an ass!!!!!

3. Going for the trophy (all that glitters ain't gold) -
So you found Ms. Model and your all excited and calling your friends. Fast forward a couple months and your dollars down and pissed off. Did you take time to get to know her personality? Did you sit down and talk to her? Or were just just excited about how fine she was? Fineness doesn't equate to having a level head or compatibility. Ms Right could be sitting right next to you. Think about what you really want in a girlfriend.

Don't forget about essential qualities like compassion, compatibility, and whether or not she makes any sense when she speaks.

4. Falling knee deep in p*ssy -
Think with your big head and not your little one. Women, I know you will hate me but most women can't seperate sex from emotion. There really is no such thing as meaningless sex with 95% of women. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE US BACK AWAY WITH YOUR PANTS ZIPPED!! Sex isnt everything and what happens when you really get to know her and she ain't it. Your stuck between a bed and a hard place and then you wonder why we hate your guts later. Learn about her first....sex her later. Good Di*k can make you lose your mind. Any woman will tell you love isn't blind but good sex is.

5. Every woman is not after your resume-
Yes, we worked hard to get where we are too. So its no suprise we want a man who is equally yoked in some respects. YOu are't wifing Wal-Mart girl, so why should I be forced to marry Mr. Paper or Plastic? Guys, every woman does not want you to be her sugar daddy.

If you don't want a lazy woman who stays at home while you earn money...gues what neither do we and there is nothing wrong with that. We are not all gold diggers. We have accomplishments too..yawn. What else are you bringing to the table? Can you hold a conversation? Are you funny? Do you know how to manage all that cheeze you earned? Are you an asshole? Thats whats on my mind once I figure out if the equal yoking part of my qualifiers are met.

6. Man up -
If you want to date her ....do it. Slow down on your random bed buddies and freaks. Put some time and effort in. Let her know how you are feeling and find out if she feels the same way. Good matches are a dime a dozen. If you see you have a good possibility with one don't let lame excuses like distance, too much work, I am too busy, I haven't conquered my work world yet stop you. My mantra in life is you make time for what you want and go after it. If you see you want her....strap up those cajones and jump in. You make time to watch football, go drink, shake your cheeks at the club...if you want her....make time for her. Trust, if you aren't, someone else is.

7. Don't date emotionally unavailable women -
Remember we said get to know her. Find out if she is still emotionally attached to her former boo. If she is still hung up on him, you will never make headway and will never touch her heart like you should. Then you get all pissed off and take it out on the next chick. Flag on the play...do your homework.

8. You don't make all the rules
Guess what? Its a partnership. We don't want you to be a doormat and we don't want you to hand over your pants. Power struggles can create a competitive environment, and there is no place for competition in a relationship. Compromise and be considerate. We would just like you to understand our position as well. If you can't handle that why are we dating? (See mistake 2)

9. We are willing to work with you -
If you are not exactly where you want to be in your life (financially, academically, or spiritually) -- it's okay. Newsflash - Black couples can build together just like any other nationality. As long as we are working on becoming our best selves together ...life is alright.

10. Don't place us on an unobtainable pedastle.
We are human too and make mistakes. If you make a mistake we forgive you just like you should forgive us. Don't be so apologetic (unless you've really screwed up) and don't take the blame for something that isn't your fault.

We do want nice guys - NOT DOORMATS. The bad boy we like is the man who can check us when need be. There is a difference from being an ass and realizing when we need a little assistance with reality. We really don't want your hip-hop thug...sorry to dash your dreams...its a myth.

Hope this helps you out! I had to keep it real with you.

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Posted by CocoaDiva at 5:40 AM 9 comments

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Time to Get a Girlfriend

Have you considered that we take dating too seriously? Wasn't there a day when you could just take a girl to dinner and enjoy her company without having to change your facebook status to "in a relationship?"

As my life is getting interesting by the minute; all the opportune time for me to get a girlfriend perhaps? That’s right…me…the habitual line stepper…is thinking about making that move and settle down like Guy said from “Let’s Chill.”

As I review the applicants I think I have found the one that can put up with my mess and can have fun, honestly share memories, experiences, etc. When guys are trying to get a girlfriend, I say let’s take it back to grade school, when things were a little more simple. When we used to pass notes that read:

Do you like me? Check Yes____ or No____

Do you want to be my Girlfriend? Check Yes____ or No____

Whatever happened to the good ol days?

When I look at the women I have dated in my past, I wish I had like a blueprint or manual that would have helped. From my experiences I realized that in this world of dating, three different groups of women exist. First allow me to thank singleblackman.net for this.

18-23 Women
She doesn’t know what she wants in life often and is still discovering herself. Sometimes she is lively, fully of energy, and looking to explore and see new things. She can be so much fun.
But … she is often immature and childish. Because she is discovering herself, her sense of self may be lacking. She doesn’t know what she wants, you can never read her, and she loves to play games. She loves to play games. She consults her “girlfriends” on everything, she is self consumed, and puts little value in the qualities that make a “good man”. She often wants someone to spoil her without her having to give anything in the relationship. Poor and misguided. Here you will find women who love the thug, and the wannabe gangster. Earning potential, manners, and acts of romance aren’t important … she is at her most superficial. Dating a woman in this age bracket is like playing Russian roulette. Just go…and walk away.

24 - 28
She has now realized what it actually takes to make a Good Man. She has some sense now … the superficial ways of her younger years is starting to melt away, she wants a good man who will treat her right, plus she is becoming independent too. She works, earns her own money, and finally isn’t dependent on other people in her life. She needs someone to complete her. I’ve always been rather cautious about dating women in this age bracket. In this particular age group, she says she keeps meeting jerks (the same ones she used to like), the good men are all taken, and all the good men that are available … want to stay available and don’t want a relationship.

It is during this age group that she wants to do the “girl trips.” Black Ski weekend...yup she’s there. Essence Festival…yup she’s there. All Star Weekend…um…yup...she’s there. It’s no wonder Facebook loves this demographic. She can be a little selfish at times, wanting the chivalry of the 50’s along with her newfound independence. She is often in desperate need of introspection. She complains there are no good men, but is usually not ready to handle the type of guys she wants. Such a shame.

29 & Up
Ah…home, sweet home. The needed introspection has usually occurred. She has come to terms with her own inadequacies and has finally thrown away the 3 page list of things her man must have. She finally knows what is important and has learned that she will attract someone who she is “ready” to handle. She also has learned to stop being selfish, she realizes she can’t just demand, demand, and demand some more … without giving back to her man in explicit and blatant ways … and expect it to work out. She is comfortable with herself, her body, and her sense of self-being. I like this age bracket because this type of woman is confident, but not arrogant. Giving, but not a push over. Opinionated, but not a know-it-all. She is balanced.

Hopefully my description said it all. So I’m choosing to stay with the 29 & Up group. The woman in this category is comfortable with herself and knows herself. For some reason, this means she knows how to treat a man. She isn’t just letting herself being walked over or chasing after guys like some desperate sex starved woman … but has balance in her life. These young girls are just too immature and selfish … sorry.

Looking forward to responses on this.

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Posted by Chauncey at 2:47 AM 10 comments

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Get The Body of an Olympic Athlete

Its time for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, and instead of sitting your tail on the couch wishing you could look like Sean Crawford (Track and Field) or Sanya Richards (Track and Field) its time to get on that Olympic Workout Plan! Do you situps right, get your tummy tightened, time to get excited!!! (couldn't resist that Kanye). No we don't expect you to start running triathlons or spending 9 hours in a pool, but we could all learn a tip or two from how these athletes think.

Web MD gives us a few tips on how the average Joe can have the body of an Olympic Athlete.

1. Know your body type. Some of us are built for speed, some for endurance, says Callan. Figuring out what feels natural -- and what you're best at -- will help you determine which type of exercise will work for you. Do you like to jump? Sprint? Spend time on the treadmill? Everyone has a unique body composition, and which composition of muscle fiber type you have will determine whether you will have more endurance or speed and power."We're all born somewhere on that continuum, but all the training in the world can only move you a little bit," he explains. That's why Arnold Schwarzenegger probably couldn't have been a long-distance runner, he says.

2. Determine your goals. You're bound to be better at some kinds of physical events than others, so choose one or two that feel natural and that you enjoy. You'll be much more likely to stick with it -- and see success. Do you want to slim down? Focus on nutrition and a routine of steady cardiovascular endurance exercise, with short bursts of speed called interval training. Do you want to build up your cardiovascular endurance? Try swimming, running, or cycling. If it's speed you're after, try adding sprints to your routine. And if you only have a short time to work out, try circuit training, which consists of a series of resistance training exercises performed one after the other, with minimal rest.But if you have weak areas, says Callan, don't hesitate to address them with specific training.

3. Eat healthfully. Brooke Bennett, three-time Olympic gold medalist in the 1996 and 2000 Olympics -- and the current world record holder for the 800-meter freestyle swim -- says that diet should be the first focus for anyone hoping to improve physical well-being."Nutrition is key in anybody's life, whether we're professional athletes or working at a desk," says Bennett, now a certified personal trainer and nutritionist and a consultant to USA Swimming. "It's about 80% of our lifestyle." The former Olympic athlete believes that content, not calories, should be the focus of any "Olympic body" regimen. Besides the obvious -- fruit, vegetables, lean proteins, and slow carbohydrates like brown rice and sweet potatoes -- Callan also recommends watching the sugar content of the foods you eat."People stress about [the calorie content of protein], but they should be stressing about sugar," Bennett says." Sugar has a high-calorie count but it's metabolized quickly. And if you're not burning the sugars while working out, you're going to put on weight."

4. Eat frequently, with a mixture of protein and carbohydrates at every meal.Your body needs a steady supply of fuel if it's going to function at maximum efficiency. Eating frequently also increases your body's metabolism, which means it will burn more calories.Olympic athletes eat five to six meals a day, with protein at each, to increase lean muscle mass and maintain maximum efficiency. So plan to eat smaller meals, ideally two and one-half to three hours between each."You want to keep your body running so efficiently that everything you're using is converted to energy and your body doesn't store anything," Bennett explains. Star shot-putter and two-time Olympic silver medalist Adam Nelson, who is competing in Beijing, follows this advice religiously. In order to maintain his muscled physique, Nelson eats protein every three hours -- a total of 300 grams per day. A typical day for him begins at 6:30 a.m. with six to eight eggs, a cup or two of berries, and coffee. At 9:30 a.m., he'll have an apple and protein shake. For lunch, he'll eat a turkey sandwich packed with spinach and green and red peppers, along with a glass of milk.For his afternoon snack, Nelson will grab leftovers from the night before. Then, for dinner, he often consumes up to 2 pounds of salmon, along with grilled vegetables and a cup of rice. Just before bed, he downs yet another protein shake.Of course, unless you are a world-class athlete in training, you should not follow Nelson's diet. But the idea of eating every few hours -- with a mixture of protein and carbs at every meal -- is an important one.

5. Watch the mirror, not the scale. Bennett says that even if your goal is weight loss, the healthiest of regimens focus on decreasing body fat and increasing lean muscle mass, not a particular number on the scale. When she swam her record-setting race in Sydney, the 5-foot-6-inch swimmer weighed between 120 and 125 pounds, with 18% body fat. Now, she weighs between 135 and 138 pounds, but her body fat is down to 12%."If your clothes fit great and you like the way you look in the mirror, does it matter what the scale says?" she asks. "It's like age. You could be 45 but feel 30. Age and weight are just numbers that we get obsessed with, but they don't mean we're healthy."Instead of weighing, Bennett recommends having someone measure you every two weeks and check your body fat once a month, which will provide a yardstick for how much fat you're actually losing.

6. Drink plenty of water. The body is made up of 60% water, which means it needs a regular supply to survive. According to the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM), a fluid loss of even 2% body weight will affect circulatory functions and decrease performance. The amount of water each person needs will vary depending on many factors such as underlying medical condition, physical activity level, and environment. The Institute of Medicine generally recommends about 91 ounces of total water (from drinks and food) on average per day for women and 125 ounces for men. Most water that we consume comes from beverages, but about 20% comes from food. Too much water can be harmful.

7. Ease into new exercises. If you are going from cyclist to runner or runner to cyclist, you may be pretty fit, but your muscles or skeletal system might not be ready for the new sport. Think of Lance Armstrong's painful New York City Marathon debut last year.So take it easy at first, and don't overdo it.8. Vary your activity, but include the weight room.Olympic athletes spend a lot of time on their primary activity (a cyclist will ride, a runner will run), but for most folks, varying the activity reduces boredom and uses a variety of muscles which may otherwise not get worked.Also, says Callan, strength and power -- which come from resistance training -- are important components of any sport. Working out with weights will also reduce the loss of muscle mass that often occurs with aging. Even men in their 70s and 80s have put on lean mass in a relatively basic strength-training program. Also, the NASM says that studies have shown no difference between those who do resistance training three times a week vs. those who train five times a week. So you really don't have to train like an Olympian in the weight room. A little goes a long way..

9. Train regularly and consistently. "The more intense the training is, the more you're going to reach your potential," Callan says. "You will not find an Olympic athlete who is not highly, highly trained. They don't roll out of bed and win the 100-meter sprint or the 50 freestyle. They spend hours and hours of training of all sorts."Of course, people also respond at different rates and in different ways, which means that Callan is hesitant to say just how much training someone needs to really get into shape. Another factor is how a program is designed. If you really want to get in shape, it's safe to say that three workouts a day will go a long way. But anything is better than working out with that remote.

10. Consider hiring a personal trainer. According to the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM), personal training jumped from the seventh most important trend in 2007 to the third most important in 2008. There's a reason for that, says Bennett. In addition to an individually tailored program, personal trainers provide accountability. "People are hesitant at the beginning to spend the money with a personal trainer, but after a month, when they're tightening their waistband and their shorts are loose, they really see the results," she says. "After a while, you adjust to the expense and it becomes part of your lifestyle." If you can't afford a trainer, seek out someone who is as dedicated as you are to getting healthy, and train together. "Even personal trainers need workout partners for accountability," she says. "It helps to have someone there to push you."Above all, say the experts, enjoy the journey. And don't forget to indulge. After all, even Olympic athlete Nelson enjoys the occasional trip to Dairy Queen. His favorite? The Oreo Blizzard.

Get on your workout plan today! P.O.S.H. can't guarantee you will run like Crawford or Richards but you will be on your way to gettin' your sexy on point!!

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Posted by Posh at 7:21 AM 0 comments
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