The P.O.S.H. Life (Pursuit of Strength & Health)

I found this on a website and it was too good not to share...it's talking to nice guys, but ladies it goes the same way with us too...


How many times have you heard the phrase "nice guys finish last" ? You probably can't even count how many times you've heard some frustrated guy say this. You might even say this yourself quite frequently. So, what is it about "Nice Guys" that cause their hearts to get stomped on by women and people in general? I'm going to help explain this as clearly as possible.

First, it is NOT the fact that a guy is "nice" that makes him unattractive to women. Being nice is a great personality trait and there's nothing wrong with being a nice person. So many men are under the impression that they were "too nice" and that's why they got stomped on and stepped over. Wrong !

No more Mr. Nice Guy

The first and most crucial mistake a guy can make is to lie to himself about the REAL reason that woman got scared off. Most of the time he is just too needy and attempts to build his entire existence and happiness around being with her. Guys...this is TOO MUCH pressure and feels suffocating. Men don't like overly needy women and women don't like overly needy men. So, how do you avoid turning into a clump of belly button lint stuck in some woman's navel? Simple...do NOT build your life around her or anyone else, for that matter. Have your own interests and activities. Build a happy and healthy life for yourself so that when you do find a good woman she compliments the good life you already have rather than creates or completes your life. Every good and quality relationship includes time away from each other and room for each person to be an individual as well as part of a couple.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Another mistake so many nice guys make is to devote all of their time into doing things for other people to the point where they aren't taking care of themselves. Learn to say no when you need or want to say it. It's okay to put your own needs and wants ahead of doing things for others that they could do for themselves. If you don't take care of yourself first you won't be worth a damn to anyone else. How can you be there for that woman in your life if you don't see to your own needs first? You can't.

Love is a wonderful thing, and it's a precious gift you can give to other people. However, most importantly, you MUST love yourself first. Until you can genuinely love yourself you can't love another person in a healthy way. So many "nice guys" mistakenly believe that if they worship the ground a woman walks on and idolizes her that she will automatically return the same treatment towards him. These are what I like to call "Unrealistic Expectations". More often than not, these kinds of expectations go unmet and lead to pain, frustration and sometimes anger. These expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments. This isn't healthy behavior and what it boils down to is a heavy dose of self inflicted suffering. Never set yourself up for this kind of disappointment. Treat yourself better than this.

Finally...if a man spends all of his time catering to the whims of others, how can he find the time to have a full and rich life? He can't, and his life is spent helping others to make their lives more interesting while his life becomes more and more dull and boring. He has little energy left for his own adventures and excitement and his love life suffers as a result. Women don't like boredom and stagnation.

The mistakes nice guys make are

1. Being too needy

2. Unrealistic Expectations/Premeditated Resentments

3. Idolizing a woman

4. Living for everyone else but himself and becoming dull

5. Making his happiness and existence too dependent on his relationships with others

If you recognize your own behavior in this list, you have probably blamed your "niceness" for hindering your relationships with women. Hopefully this article will help you to see and understand exactly where the problem is and what you need to do to fix it.

Here are a few things you can start doing right away to help you to stop making this mistakes with women.

1. Start saying "No" when you don't want to do someone a favor. "Sorry, I can't" is just as easy to say, and the world won't stop turning if you say no.

2. Go spend some time with and on yourself...make your life exciting and interesting. Do things you enjoy just because you enjoy it. You deserve this! It's YOUR life!

3. Don't worship women. They are human, make mistakes and aren't perfect. They are just like you for the most part, and are no better or worse than you are. Don't treat them like they deserve more than you do. If you don't respect yourself women won't respect you either.

4. You "need" food and water. You "need" shelter. You don't "need" any specific person to create your happiness and make you "somebody". If you feel like you "need" someone else to be happy then your feelings towards that person are NOT healthy. It's healthy to "want" someone to compliment who you ALREADY are, but NOT to "need" someone to define or complete you.

In conclusion ... don't lose the niceness, lose the neediness.


This was originally appeared at http://www.pick-up-woman.com/nice-guys-finish-last.shtml Read More......

Well gentlemen, we now live in a world where women of color enjoy life in the fast lane, juggling a high flying career and sporting an exciting social life, distancing themselves from the traditionally domestic stereotype. These days’ young career women are more concerned with mixing cocktails, heating up ready meals and cooking sauces from a jar.

In other words, women have stopped cooking. Pretty harsh? Sure. Welcome to the 21^st century. Now we can engage in deep debate with our fellow members of the opposite sex and discuss why it would be great to have a woman who cooks. But why waste your brain power? It’s a wrap. Debate over. The African American mentality that a woman has to cook is outdated. I would rather be with a caring and compatible person than a perfect cook. Times have changed and frankly, women don't have the time to cook anymore

Let me propose to you that we start a silent revolution and encourage our fellow brothers in the struggle to …cook. Now before my email account is blown up with (wtf’s) in my inbox, hear me on this important issue.

To be portrayed as an eligible bachelor, we need a well-rounded image and a sense of depth. Yeah we can score huge points with a woman as it is simply seen as sexy for a man to be able to cook. But that’s not why we need to cook. Okay I’m lying…that is part of the reason. However I discovered a true passion for food and truly have become more competent in the kitchen than some of my female colleagues and associates. As men we have to get out of the negative thinking on what makes a man a “real man.”

I enjoy cooking. The whole process of cutting, chopping, measuring, timing, etc., is very relaxing to me for some reason, and it calms me down after a busy day. I can't think of a more satisfying thing than to spend an hour or more preparing a meal that takes about 15 minutes to enjoy or 4 minutes to devour. I've been a bachelor for years in the sense that I've lived alone and I've always loved this wonderful the art of cooking.

Sure prepared meals at your local Whole Foods is a blessing but cooking your own meal... putting in all that time to get it just right... it's priceless. But as men, we should also be able to cook, even if the only one expected for dinner is the entity known as "me, myself and I.”

The underlying factor to a successful meal is preparation. You have to make sure that everything that needs washing, chopping, peeling, slicing and dicing is done before you start cooking as this will prevent you from panicking and getting the timing wrong. Use different chopping boards for meat and vegetables and wash your hands after handling raw meat. If you have anything that needs defrosting, make sure you take it out of the freezer the night before. And lastly, wash up as you go along!

If you are a little hesitant about embarking on this area of your life because you feel that men who cook are not real men, take comfort in knowing that the “Real Man of Color” is a man who loves his family, adores his children, gives back to the community, enthrones the women in his life, cherishes his friends, and can cook.

I believe that men who cook nurture their self-respect and reinforce a proud sense of masculinity that has been lost over time. Through this proud sense of masculinity we are more likely to find that salvation over a plate of tantalizing food, cuisine that feeds our bodies, souls, spirits, and communities with a nutritional value that can neither be underestimated nor precisely measured.

Fin.

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I grew up Seventh-day Adventist. A unique part of Adventist doctrine is the emphasis on health. We follow the Levitical laws concerning clean and unclean meats, while actually promoting a vegetarian diet. In fact, most American Adventist churches you visit won’t even serve meat. Adventists were among the first in America to come up with veggie food. While veggie burgers have become mainstream in the past few years, I’ve been eating it my entire life. And, Adventists live about 8 years longer than the average American.

We grew up with a knowledge of scripture concerning health. Your body is not your own but the temple of the Holy Spirit so honor God with your body. In whatsoever you eat or drink, do all to the glory of God. I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers. All these scripture were preached from the pulpit. We had a health and temperance department in the church, attended health fairs, and cooking classes. Sometimes to a fault, health teachings could almost seem legalist.

Over the past few years, I’ve been more influenced by the Charismatic tradition. In this tradition, the most you hear about health is “God can heal you.” Lay hands on the sick and they will recover. The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up and if he has sinned he will be forgiven. By Jesus’ stripes, you are healed. And, it is all true; healing is the children’s bread.

For a season, there was some reconciliation that I needed to do between the two traditions. I remember being in an Adventist church service and the pastor talked as though health and healing only came through your adherence to the health message. I left the service up in arms. What about faith and the supernatural? We have the same power and authority as Jesus, God is the one who heals all of our diseases! Then I watched those that preach healing, speak healing, and refuse to live or eat healing.

I remember being in the hospital room of a church member, a man of God. He’d had two heart attacks, and was in the hospital down the street from my job. I went to see him everyday. One day he stared off and said, “I remember God used to tell me, ‘You gotta take better care of your body. You need to start eating right and exercising.’ I just never did it.” He had one more heart attack before he eventually passed. Maybe a year later, God was talking to me about his goodness and how he doesn’t do bad things. He brought back to my remembrance that conversation in that hospital room. God began to minister to me that the heart attacks were not his plan and he didn’t do it; but, rather, God told him how to prevent them. It wasn’t a critique on this man’s spirituality, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But, rather, God was revealing his goodness and the balance.

I will forever believe in the healing power of God; in the same way, I’ll always believe in the blessing of obedience. The two are not at odds with each other. God’s laws are not arbitrary neither is his counsel. As Christians, we are not under the law, but rather grace. In his grace and goodness, God gave us counsel on how to do better. So, why not do it? The supernatural can and does supersede the natural. God’s grace makes up for what we lack; it makes up for our disobedience. But, grace is not an excuse for disobedience or a reason to remain in ignorance. God does not use his power override our laziness. God does require of us to do better. God has rule in every part of our life. He’s not just worried about whether or not you are doing the “big” sins; he’s working in us to make us better…mind, body, and spirit. Read More......

Many writers who write for blogs such as Listen to Leon, Bougie Ballin' on a Budget, Sassy Women, Gak City, Diseducation, and here at P.O.S.H. are members of a group called Faraji Black Bougie Dating Advice (FBBDA). This is a group on Facebook started by Faraji Whalen. A graduate of Morehouse College, Faraji created this group as a way for young professional African Americans to discuss dating, relationships, and other issues. In less than a year, the group has grown to almost 600 members. I like to call FBBDA the Wikipedia and CNN of Black Bougie Dating.

So every Wednesday, yours truly will use the lessons and tools from FBBDA to help my fellow brothers in the struggle. Ok now that I have placed the shameless plug for FBBDA…let’s get down to business.

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination.

It is an area which we call…the Friend Zone. Do de do do, do de do do…..

The Friend Zone is a term used to describe a 'zone' a guy ends up with when a girl sees him as a 'friend' and nothing more. The reasoning behind this rant is to help “you” my fellow Man. Too many times I've seen my friends become nothing more than little pansies to some fine mocha complexion sista that consider him nothing but a 'friend'. Women are incredibly smart. In this world of dating, they have mastered, perfected, and come up with an ace up the sleeve that eliminates you from any possibility of being considered a candidate. While she is playing poker, you are playing Uno. While you are playing checkers, she’s playing chess.

Gentlemen, the Friend Zone leaves nice brothers dateless. Once you are in…you are never out. Allow me to introduce you to the “ace up the sleeve” that your fellow member of the opposite sex will play.

When you hear phrases like:

“I can talk to you about anything, “You‘re really a nice guy,” “You‘re like a brother to me,” “You‘re my best friend,” and “You understand me” …you are in the Friend Zone.

You finally get your thoughts together and work up the courage to ask her out and she tells you: “I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship,” “I like you too much to go out with you,” “I don’t want to risk losing what we have,” and so on…you are in the Friend Zone.

If she tells you all about her problems with men, asks you for advice about the men she’s attracted to, and tells you excitedly that she just met this really great guy…oh my brothers…you've been had. You've been took. You've been led astray, run amuck. You've been bamboozled. You've been placed into the thing as Faraji would say, "the dry arid post apocalyptic wasteland"...the Friend Zone.

Using my undergrad in Psychology and my soon to be MBA, allow me to explain how you…a man of color…get trapped in the Friend Zone.

She’s not attracted to you

Oh, sure, she finds you funny, charming, fun to be with -- but when a Maxwell cd is played…you are not in her cerebrum, cerebellum, or medulla. I don’t care what kind of car you may drive, wardrobe you can wear, there’s not a lot you can do about this, so don’t kid yourself. If she's just not into you, you have a choice to make: Either stay as her friend or withdraw like a gentlemen and seek out other pursuits.

You’re a doormat

She has relegated you to friend status because you’re way too nice, too accommodating and have the invisible word “welcome home” written on your face. She knows she can have you just by snapping her fingers. You follow her around like a moon-eyed puppy dog. You try to impress her. You think you can buy her attention with flowers, gifts and expensive meals. You are as soft as an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen, and she can’t wait to castrate you and make you her best girlfriend who’ll look after her pets while she goes running off for the weekend. You’re so caught up in the Matrix, you might as well add food and beverage sponsor to your resume.

Hello and welcome back to the Friend Zone my brother. If you have your Frequent Friend Zone card on hand, P.O.S.H. we'll be happy to stamp it for you before proceeding.

First and foremost, I understand and sympathize with the fact that maybe you were too passive, never had a shot, and acted too much like a sibling. These things happen, to some of us more than others, sure, but such is life.

Is there any way to escape the Friend Zone? It’s not easy, but not impossible. Allow me to explain your options.

Option One- Stay in the Friend Zone

Staying in the Friend Zone gives the impression that you're a mature human being, one willing to take the high road. And, should you find some way to get beyond your obsession, you may end up with a true and good friend. You may come to see this woman as a human and value their insights, their words, enjoy their trust and all the things a real friend has to offer. Yawn.

We know, deep down inside, that that's not going to happen. Because part of the job of being a friend is listening. In the Friend Zone, you'll have to listen to her problems. And her problems will, for some reason, always stem from the chaos and drama she's taking from the guy currently in the Boyfriend/Boo/Significant Other Zone. You, of course, can try to be a good friend, a good listener and help her out. Feel free to do so.

If you enjoy sleepless nights spent alone listening to the greatest hits of Boyz II Men thinking to yourself, “ We belong together, and you know that I’m right,” while alternating between abject depression, feelings of worthlessness and monstrous fits of jealous rage, knock yourself out. Who am I to judge?

Option Two-Leave

Walk across the Friend Zone, open up the door and, simply, leave. This would be the smart thing to do, but again, no pressure here. Sure, it might seem petty to just walk away. Maybe the object of your affection will be mystified, possibly a little hurt. But let me point out that your primary purpose in life shouldn't be to provide emotional support and affection for someone who has no intentions, of being with you. Ever.

Once you walk through that door, you will find a complete halt to emails, phone calls, GChats, text messaging and all the other things you might use to keep false hope, your biggest enemy in the dating game, alive.

And there you have it. Again, welcome to the Friend Zone. Stay as long as you like. Or leave. Those are your only choices. No matter what anyone says, you cannot leave the Friend Zone the way you came in. Stop acting like her puppy dog and don’t be so available. Be a challenge, not a doormat. Keep her off balance. Be unpredictable. Keep her guessing. Create value through scarcity.

Shakespeare said it best, “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.”

As a man, you must know your exits.

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The life of a man of color is never easy. We have to worry about paying bills, coping with the 21st century dating scene, trying to prove that all brothers are not bad (usually with a singular lack of success); and so on and so forth. These days you can outsource any job-but some things you need to know how to do yourself.

A man can be an expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. You don't have to master them all at once. You simply have to collect and develop a certain number of skills as the years tick by. People count on you to come through. That's why you need these basics, to start.

10- Tie a tie
Learn for those important business meetings or formal affairs. Just make sure you give yourself enough time to do it while getting ready, so as not to rush.

9- Undo a bra
Crickets.

8- Make restaurant reservations
It may seem hard to make reservations at one of the hottest spots in town, but with perseverance and research, you can do it. Find out what the reservation policy of the restaurant is; try a slower night or earlier hour. Then, once you're in, you can try to become friendly with the manager or host, which can work to your advantage next time around. Also, use your power as a client. If the host is not being cooperative, try speaking to the manager.

7- Smoke a cigar
Smoking a cigar is an art form, so learn the lingo, cut the head, light the cigar, remove the band, and smoke away. Just don't inhale and remember that puff, puff, pass is not allowed.

6- Manage stress
Put things into perspective and take things one day at a time. Improve your time-management skills and get into the habit of taking breathers (a walk, counting to 10). It's not that deep to catch a felony.

5- Do the laundry
Doing the laundry is something you have to resort to, unless you're prepared to pay hefty dry cleaning bills. Gather up your clothes, separate the whites from the darks, and do separate loads. Make sure to read labels and check that no special care is required. Follow your washing machine instructions and place your clothes in the dryer after washing. For more delicate pieces that may shrink, hang or lay flat to dry.

4- Purchase flowers
So, you think it's all about the roses, eh?...wrong! Giving roses is extinct like Ray J's musical career. Find out the meaning of each flower by brushing up on your flower etiquette.

3- Change a tire
We don't always have the luxury of having others stop to help us if we're stuck with a flat, and what if a sexy woman flags us down off the road to change her flat? In a nutshell, put the parking brake and hazard lights on; get out your lug nut wrench and car jack; remove the hubcap; loosen the lug nuts; jack up the car; remove the lug nuts followed by the flat tire; put the new tire onto the wheel studs; put the lug nuts back, and make sure they're screwed on tight. If you mess this up...just walk...away, because "She" will talk about you.

2- Choose the right wine
Impress her with your wine savviness and choose the right bottle for your dinner date. Generally, choose red for pasta and seafood, and white for fish. It also depends on whether you're having a light or heavy meal, and how much you want to spend.

1- Be a gentleman
Although some may think chivalry is dead, you can try to keep it alive by always being the perfect gentlemen. Read More......

My mother always said leave some manners on your plate. Sometimes, that is a little hard to do because everything looks so good when you are hungry. Americans have increased portion sizes up to 2-3 times than what is really needed for digestion.

Here are some examples of what your portion size should really be.
Shocking isn't it!!

Poultry (3 oz.) = a deck of playing cards
Beef (3 oz.) = a bar of soap
Fish (3 oz.) = a checkbook
Hamburger (3 oz.) = a mayo jar lid
Pasta (1/2 c.) = a golf ball
Fruit (1 c.) = a tennis ball
Salad Dressing (2 Tbsp.) =– shot glass
Butter (1 tsp.) = a Scrabble tile
Cereal (1 c.) = baseball
Bread- 1 CD
Hard Cheese – 4 dice
Peanut Butter (1 tsp.) = one die
Mixed nuts – golf ball
Dinner roll = a yo-yo
Potato = a computer mouse
Rice (1/2 c.) = an ice cream scoop
Nuts (1 oz.) = a cupped palm
Cheese (1 oz.) = a ping-pong ball

Tips

It takes 21 days to break a habit. So, it will take a few meals to make conscious decisions regarding your eating habits. Your stomach is a muscle and if you are used to eating heavy meals it will take a few meals for it to get used to the lesser amount of food. To fill the void, drink water or do another task to take your mind off the "hunger". Its all about retraining your mind

1. Start eating half of your meal -For example, only eat half of your sandwich and replace the other half with healthy produce like carrots or celery. Produce takes longer to digest than other foods. This assists you in feeling full faster especially with the added fiber.
2. Remove distractions - Eating in front of the TV while reading or doing other tasks, takes away from what you put in your mouth. Have you ever sat down to watch a TV show and all of your food was gone and your still hungry? This is because you did not focus on your meal and your brain still thinks you are hungry.
3. Chew slower - we know wanted that great meal you prepared. However, it takes 20 minutes for you to feel full.
4. Drink water with your meal - Remember, you need 6-8 glasses of water a day to flush out toxins. Water also helps you feel full. That way you won't eat as much. Also, your body just may have been dehydrated.
5. Eat on a smaller plate- this helps with training your mind to eat smaller portions. To accommodate our growing portion sizes, plates and bowls have been made twice their size. You don't need that bucket size bowl or UFO sized plate. Try eating on a saucer where you can only put correct portions. Also, try eating your cereal out of a mug. Tricking your mind into thinking this smaller portion will fill you up also helps you eat slower.
6. Eat a salad- Eating a salad before lunch or dinner will help you feel full faster. However, you don't need all those extra toppings which add calories. You don't want a 900 calorie salad with the works. Grab a lean meat, salad, dressing and one freebie like an egg instead of an every thing but the kitchen sink salad.
7. Prepare your meals for a few days - A reason for overeating not preparing the correct portion of food and just grabbing a meal. If you made dinner and have left overs, package the food in correct portion size so you aren't tempted to finish off that pasta when you come in exhausted from work.
8. Remove your trigger foods- Everyone has a trigger food. You know, that one item that takes you to your happy place. My food is cookies. I have to remove all cookies from the house. Pretty soon you don't remember that your trigger food was high on your list because they have been replaced with healthy alternatives.
9. Indulge a little - You have been good all week and followed your plan. Treat your self to that trigger food. However only in small portions. For example, if you love Oreos, go get a snack pack. Keep your portion under control and don't go crazy.
   

Try these ideas out for a few weeks. We know you are on your way to better health. Happy eating!!

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Summer is that wonderful time of year when the sun begins to warm, lazy days are normal, tops reveal more midriff and skirts get a little shorter. Life is renewed and the world is a flurry of energy. Summer is also a time when almost every inch of air seems to be flush with hormones and pheromones moving around at near Mach 5 speeds, causing summer madness.

Fellas, this is the season to celebrate life as a single man of color. Get out of the house and let’s get it! Gentlemen, if you live by the saying, " You'll meet someone when you least expect it”, then make sure you have fun while you're waiting.

During this season, many of us are at our carefree best and although the stresses of work and summer classes may still accompany us, we are completely different people. If you are single and not in a long-term commitment, then prepare for rejuvenation.

Warning: Summer flings are not for the faint of heart. Because they are based upon a definitive end point, they require strength and a logical outlook. If you can manage that, then indulge, double check to see if “Slum Village” Selfish is in your play list, and have fun!

Summer romances are all about fun, not about finding Ms. Right. Curious? Here's what you need to do to get your fling on

1. Forget the norm. Throw away the dating checklist you use the rest of the year. In my opinion, summer romances are similar to the honeymoon period at the beginning of more long-term relationships. As you are just getting to know each other, both of you are on your best behavior and look and act immaculate all the time.

Summer flings are great in that sense, because you don’t have to know each other too intimately if you don’t wish to. And just as you’re starting to see the “human” side of each other, which would normally determine the continuation or termination of the relationship, your time is likely running out.

Variety is the spice of the life. Here is your opportunity to have fun dating several women without having a conscious about being in a serious long term relationship. Always stay a gentleman and treat your dates with respect.

2. Have fun. Right now I live in two cities that possess a plethora of summer activities. I can choose screen on the green, outdoor concerts, and several other activities that are recession proof. This is your chance to do tons of fun things with your date or dates. Step out of your boundaries and be crazy, creative and wild! Dare to go whitewater rafting or attend a New Edition concert. You are allowed to be whomever you want. By the time the other person judges you, it’ll be at the end of the relationship rope. Enjoy your time together. You’ll never forget it.

3. Don't think about the future. Do summer flings ever make it to fall and winter? Sometimes. But the point of summer dating is to stay in the present. All good things must come to an end. Summer romances have a clear ending--usually before or after Labor Day. Rest assured pink slips will be given out before homecoming season begins.

My brothers, you can make the world your oyster by just living life to its fullest. Life is too short. It’s not the amount of breaths we take. Life is about the moments that take our breath away.

Summer is calling us!

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P.O.S.H. is all about healthy hair. Weaves can be used for transitioning into your nautral or for playing with color. YES!!! There are good and bad techniques for weaving. Please do your homework on your stylist before allowing her to put your weave in.

The Methods

BONDING - a popular temporary weaving method to add tracks to your hair. Tracks of hair are glued to the roots of your own hair with a special adhesive. This method is the most damaging to your natural hair. Glue is definitely not a way to grow healthy hair.

TRACKS - This method depends on how the stylist chooses to braid the hair. Think of these as singular corn rows braided horizontally across your scalp. Then a track of hair is sewn directly on to the braid. This method is used so when your hair grows out it looks natural and not bulky. Portions at the crown or front of the head can be left out to cover the tracks and blend the hair.

NET/OR CAP - By far the best method!! The hair is braided into a continuous circle around the head starting from the outer edge of the scalp. This technique involves braiding natural tresses under a thin, breathable net that serves as a flat surface onto which stylists can weave extensions. The extensions are sewn onto the cap and not the hair allowing optimal growth. This style can last for up to three months if properly maintained. This style must be dried under a hair dryer to make sure the scalp is completely dry.

We highly recommend the cap method- Las Vegans who want a recommendation please let me know!!

Types of Hair

Remy Hair/Indian Hair - This is the best for your money. This hair is also popularly referred to as ‘virgin hair’, and of premium quality and can be reused for years with proper care. Remy Hair is directly shaved so the roots are matched with roots and ends with ends. Since all the hairs are placed in the same direction, the hairs remain undisturbed , making them more durable and long lasting. This hair is usually not available in stores. Trust us the expense is worth it. You keep the hair forever instead of buying new hair with every weave. It also requires minimal styling which allows your natural hair to grow undisturbed beneath the cap.

Non Remy - This is the regular hair you see available for purchase in stores. When this hair is shaved from the head all pieces are allowed to fall to the floor. So roots are matched with ends. This is what causes the matted bad weave look. The hair is not stored in its natural growth pattern. There are many categories to this type of hair.

Weave Maintenance Tips

1. Please seek out a stylist who specializes in healthy hair and not one giving you that fresh do you wanted. Your best friend isnt a stylist. She should not help you glue tracks in.
2. The best deal is not always the best for your hair - Just because she qouted you a price of $Free.99 doesn't mean she specializes in healthy hair. You get what you pay for and it may not be pretty and rip your hair out.
3. Please consult a stylist before attempting any weave style - Go get a consultation let the stylist tell you what is best for your hair. Let her know the intentions of the weave. If you want to use it to transition into your natural style let her know.
4. Weaves require maintenance- everyone has seen a raggedy weave. Your hair grows!! The super tight braid under the hair begins to sag with new growth and the weight of the hair. Go see your stylist to have her tighten the weave!! This also prevents extra stress and breakage on your hair. Go visit the stylist at least once a month so she can tighten your loose or sagging areas.
5. Weaves should only last 3 months max - Weaves are not a permanent fix. Your hair will become matted if you try to leave it in any longer. This defeats the whole process of growing your hair out.
6. Weave should look natural and not like a wig or bad hat - shop around before you opt for a stylist-- everyone is not blessed with weave sewing talent.
7. Treat the weave like you would your hair - don't get out of practice of caring for your hair. Wrap the hair at night or get a satin pillowcase.
8. Unless you have worn a weave before, let a stylist remove your weave - You would hate to cut your hard grown hair b.c. you can't see it. Let a professional remove the hair
9. Wash your weave- it sounds silly but folks don't do it. You cannot wash it like your own hair. I would call it the squish method where you squish shampoo through the hair with minimal tangling. If you can't wash it Go to the stylist!
10. Deep condition your natural hair - At the end of the 3 months, have your stylist deep condition your hair and cut your desired length of permed hair off. If you are not transitioning please get your ends clipped. Your hair needs moisture and great ends.

Cocoa Diva
I wore a weave to transition into my nautral. Having a weave allowed me to play with color and not deal with the in between stage. I removed my weave every 3 months for maintenance of my hair. I also used the cap method along with Indian Remy Hair. Ladies don't be cheap. I know the hair is expensive but you spend that and more in the store replacing you hair with every new weave. Also its better for growing your hair. It is virgin and untreated so it wont slice your hair.

I am currently a happy natural chick! My hair is longer and more healthy than it has ever been and is well below my shoulders. Don't let folks tell you weaves are not for transitioning. They are! Only if you find the right stylist and know the right questions.


(This is a picture of me with my net and color a few months ago)

Please let us know if you have any questions. Here is to healthy hair !! Read More......

Dear P.O.S.H Readers, Read More......

The male ego can sometimes be a good thing, driving us to succeed in our careers, to excel in athletic competition, etc. But, with a few exceptions, this ego creates more problems than not. And no where else is this more evident than on the yoga mat. Well, yoga is hard.

You can’t master it. You can’t beat it. You can’t beat anyone at it. And it’s humbling. Even the most basic poses continue to challenge long-time practitioners. This reality is difficult to swallow for many men, who are used to competitive sports where there is always a way to judge/measure one’s own performance, and where there must always be a way to beat out the next guy.

To do yoga, then, is really to adopt an entirely new way of thinking, a way of thinking that is different and maybe even contrary to the way that men are accustomed to thinking in our Western society. A great misconception about yoga especially in the African American community is that “real” men don’t ever do yoga. This is just not the case. Yoga training is becoming increasingly common today in the U.S. military (and, again, not just for the stretching and relaxation).

In addition to the fact that “real” men do in fact practice yoga today, throughout most of the history of yoga, it’s actually been the case that only “real” men practiced yoga. One of my teachers often tells us that yoga was used traditionally as a means for training warriors (who were all men) and that because of the great power yoga conferred on its practitioners, only a very select group of men were permitted access to it. I don’t know about the historical accuracy of yoga as training for warriors, but it is pretty well established that throughout its long history, yoga has been reserved for men, and usually only for those who exhibited great physical and mental prowess.

So, to wrap up, I have some final words for those skeptical men out there who are reluctant to try yoga. First, and most importantly, forget about all the images you have in your head about yoga from TV shows, commercials, and magazines — these are, for the most part, constructed images that falsely represent what yoga is and what it can be for you. To find out what yoga is, just go to a yoga class and try it out.

Also, be aware that not all yoga classes and teachers are alike, so if you go to a class and find that it is a lot of relaxation and very little exercise (and “real” exercise is what you’re looking for), then try out a different class. Lastly, don’t be afraid of being a beginner. It takes years and years of dedicated yoga practice to really be able to hold your own in an advanced class. Accept this reality, and you can set off on the rewarding and challenging journey that is yoga. Let your ego get in the way, however, and you’ll find yourself continually frustrated and unable to get much out of your yoga experience.

Namaste. Read More......

A little something I received from Hungry Girl (http://www.hungry-girl.com/) regarding a P.O.S.H. girl's guide to fabulous low fat drinking. Enjoy!

Today is National Martini Day! To celebrate, check out HG's latest guilt-free cocktails (complete with non-alcoholic versions), and remember to enjoy responsibly...


Orange Creamsicle Martini Read More......

Men, too many Heineken's, pizzas, and general sedentary activity can have a negative effect on your health. Two-thirds of American men are overweight or obese. Experts have shown that weight carried in the belly area contains much higher risks than fat accumulated in other areas of the body. While women normally pack on the pounds in the hips, thighs, and and legs, men are more prone to carry weight in the mid section.

For most men, the risk factors for heart disease and other diseases increase with a waist size over 40 inches (102 centimeters). So men, pull out that tape measure!! The appropriate place to measure the belly is right above the hipbone. As men enter into their 30's weight gain is more noticeable. As you get older, you have to change the way you eat and how active you are to stay slim or lose weight. Excess belly fat can lead to the following diseases:


Diabetes
Some types of cancers
High blood pressure
Sleep apnea
Abnormal lipids — high triglycerides and low HDL ("good" cholesterol)
Insulin resistance
Metabolic syndrome

Alright guys, we know you love hitting the weights. However, you NEED aerobic activity to remain in good health. If you have never exercised in a long time you can start off with walking. For many men, walking 10,000 steps a day — plus eating right — is enough to stay at a healthy weight. Men with more weight to lose may need to walk farther. You can do sit ups, crunches and etc until the cows come home; however, you are just strengthening your abdominal wall ---which makes you able to suck in better but does nothing for the fat overlay. Sorry boys.

There is a scientific link between excess alcohol and belly fat. Alcohol is high in calories and increases appetite. Keep the drinks to less than two a day and this will help minimize the calories you consume and help you avoid putting on belly fat. Bottom line eat better and drink less to lessen the possibility of having adverse health effects.

The only tried-and-true method to lose fat of any kind is:
Reduce the amount of calories you take in. You can do this by eating smaller amounts of food, or stick to foods that have fewer calories. BURN FAT with physical activity. Here's to keepin' it sexy! Read More......

This one is for my ladies....

As a woman I know how it feels to stress over your hair. Ever since I could pick up a mirror, I have been in love with my tresses and on the hunt for the "perfect products" to achieve my perfect style. I wanted long, thick, luxurious hair and was stuck with thin hair that just never wanted to act right. It would obtain length, but eventually split ends would rear their ugly heads and my hair dresser played Edward Scissorhands with my locks. I was fed up and annoyed. I went from permed, to natural, back to permed and my hair has been just about every length and style out there. It is only recently that I have come to be in love with my tresses. And I mean IN LOVE with my hair. Why? Because it is healthy, shiny, and beautiful. My miracle? Protein. I am a huge fan of protein treatments and attribute my hair growth to weekly protein treatments and deep conditioners. Our hair is made of protein, so the only way to make our hair stronger and thicker is to use protein treatments. The protein in protein treatments actually attach to the follicles of the hair making the hair thicker. Other shampoos and conditioners claim to make hair thicker, but in reality they simply add volume to give u the appearance of thicker hair. Protein is the ONLY way to actually add thickness to your hair. I use liquid protein in my hair every week followed with a deep moisturizing conditioner and will use Aphogee Protein Treatments once per month to prevent breakage. Aphogee makes your hair extremely hard so it is important to moisturize and deep condition afterwards. My favorite conditioner is Aveda Damage Remedy Reconstructing Conditioner. Its expensive, but extremely effective. I also follow up with a little Aveda Brilliant Hair Serum. Style as usual and go be fabulous! That's my healthy hair tip for the week! Look for more later! Happy healthy hair growing ladies! Read More......

The key to losing weight, we all know, is to burn more calories than we intake. Your BMR is the number of calories your body would burn on a daily basis if you did no physical activity and stayed in bed all day (not recommended). Your BMR increases as you become more active. In order to lose one pound of fat, you must burn 3500 calories. Thus, in order to lose one pound of fat, you need to intake 500 calories less than you burn everyday for 7 days (500 x 7= 3500).

Check out the BMR calculator and start calculating how many calories you actually burn in a day vs how many calories you intake. Monitoring both closely will greatly assist in your weight loss efforts.

Good luck!


http://health.discovery.com/tools/calculators/basal/basal.html Read More......

• Maintain a diet lower in carbs and higher in lean protein - Protein builds muscle and helps in burning calories. Everyone loves pasta and bread but these foods may just hurt you in the weight loss process. Good carbs are fine, these are vegetables and whole grain products. You should eat 3 servings of vegetables and limit other carbs to around one serving.


• Exercise - You should try get some cardio into your life at minimum 3 times a week. Its ok if you are new to exercising. If you need help and don't understand the equipment get a trainer or just ask someone in the gym. Don't worry about how you look working out or if you feel too chunky. No one is worried about your size. Everyone there is trying to fix some part of their body so you are not alone. EVERYONE needs weight training. If you are new to exercise start off with Cardio and work your way to free weights or machines.


• Eat 5-6 times a day - This means 3 meals and at least 2 snacks. Your metabolism is like fuel in your car. If you drove your car all day and ran out of gas your car would not be a happy camper. This is just like your body which needs fuel to run. If you starve yourself or do not eat enough during the day, your body goes into starvation mode. This means it holds on to any little bit of food you put in it because it doesn't know when the next meal is coming. This is how you gain weight.


• Eat Breakfast- Breakfast means breaking your fast. Your body goes into starvation mode during the night. Food revs up your body for the day and provides you with the essential nutrients and calories needed to get you on your way during the day. Skipping breakfast slows your metabolism because your body has no fuel. No breakfast is a sure way to slow down your weight loss goals. You don't need a whole meal. Grab a lower sugar fruit or a protein shake and be on your way.


• Drink 6-8 Glasses of water a day- Water is good for your body. It clarifies the skin and flushes out toxins within the body. Many times when you are feeling ravenous, it may just be your body is in need of water. You may just need a nice cool glass instead of that piece of pie. When you start drinking the right amount of water you will feel when your body craves it.


• Take it one day at a time - You are not a failure if you fall off the wagon one day. So, you lost your mind and ate too many slices of pizza or had too many cookies. Tomorrow is another day!! You can begin again and hit the gym and start over the next day. DON'T QUIT!


• Make short term goals and reward yourself when you reach them - Monthly goals are usually a good way to go. If it takes you a little longer to reach you goal so be it. You can't force your body to go where you want it to go, you can only help it along. Once you hit your goal. Go Celebrate. Buy that new dress or electronics or go on that trip. This is the best way to want to keep moving forward with your journey. Hard work deserves praise!


• Keep a Food Journal - Write down everything you eat in a monthly journal. This is the best way to hold yourself accountable for what you eat everyday. When you write down what you have eaten everyday then you can't conveniently forget the bad things you ate to throw you off your diet. The food journal also allows you to notice your eating patterns. Maybe you are a late night snacker, or go crazy at lunch. Once you recognize your patterns you can get deeper in the trenches with yourself. Keep track of your weight in the journal


• Love your curves- embrace those thick hips, thighs, that belly, and your arms. If you don't love yourself and want to lose weight for you, the journey becomes that much more difficult. Weight loss does not happen over night. If you can't love you where you are now....your journey will be difficult and discouraging when you hit plateaus or you lose slower than you will like. Love you every step of the way!!
  

Let us know what you think! Have any extra tips? P.O.S.H. would love to hear about it!

Read More......

First we want you to scream....YOU ARE NOT YOUR HAIR!! You are beautiful no matter how you choose to rock your hair!

Welcome my sisters to the dawn of a new era! I know many of you have heard whisperings like this: "Girl, I am transitioning", "Its all about conditioning" "Natural hair is healthy hair" "I wear my hair natural so I can work out".

Do the following terms make your head spin: Twist-Out, Locs, Dreds, Coil-Outs, Shingling?

Confused about how to take care of your hair when you work out (permed or natural)? Well never you fear P.O.S.H Life is here! Let us give you a general overview and any questions you have we are glad to answer!!

All hair is biologially the same, but black hair is naturally more dry than that of other ethnicities. Your hair is made up of the cuticle, cortex, melanin, and sebaceous glands (oil producers). Our hair needs....you guessed it MOISTURE! Relaxers, color, and every day handling robs our hair of the precious moisture we desperately need. Just because we are black doesn't mean we all share the same hair texture. Many of us have a multitude of ethicities in our backgrounds and there may even be different textures of hair on your scalp. There for there is no Magic Potion to determine what products to put on your hair. Determine your hair type here and additional information. http://www.ourhair.net/

Relaxers---Don't get us wrong, you CAN have healthy hair with a relaxer, provided you put forth the effort to take care of your hair. Relaxer does not equal lazy. Relaxed hair is weaker than natural hair and more prone to problems and breakage.

Going Natural - This involves a process called transitioning if you previously had your hair relaxed. This means letting your relaxed hair grow out and not applying chemicals to your hair. The whole process sounds scary I know but there are methods which can assist in this process. You can try a weave, braids, twists, coil outs, twists outs (where the hair is twisted and then let out to make the hair all look one texture). Your stylist can best assess your needs.

• DEEP CONDITION!! We cannot stress this enough. You should try and deep condition your hair at least once a week. Include some olive oil in your regime to seal the cuticle and hydrate!
• PROTEIN IS GOOD FOR THE HAIR- Include a protein conditioner in your regime. Aveda makes a wonderful reconditioner which includes organic proteins. Unlike animal proteins which build up and calcify on the hair with repetitive useage, Aveda's protien conditioner only absorbs what you need and the rest is washed away. Fabulous!!
• WRAP THE HAIR AT NIGHT- Just because you aren't rocking it straight every day doesn't mean you don't need protection while you are sleep. If you opt not to wrap, get a satin pillow case.
• DO NOT TRY AND DETANGLE DRY HAIR- put some oil in, detangle in the shower while washing the hair.
• TRY NOT TO PUT HEAT ON THE HAIR OFTEN - We know you heard us....back away from the flat iron with your hands up! Constant pressing is a definite No No, we don't care if you are relaxed or natural. If you are pressing your hair try and limit your heat useage to a few times a month. Heat breaks the hair down and weakens it. Also, too much pressing can change the curl pattern of your hair.

Products- Like we said above our hair LOVES moisture. Growing your hair out, transitioning, being natural takes finding the potion which fits YOUR hair. We know this can be an expensive venture. We recommend buying sample sizes or trial versions to see if the products work for you.

We Love Carol's Daughter! If you have never tried any of the hair/skin products stop on in to Sephora. They will provide you a small sample to take the products home to test. http://www.carolsdaughter.com/

• Hair Milk - Provides that needed moisture especially during these dry summer months. We can't stress enough how great this product is


• Black Vanilla Leave-in Moisturizer- A great leave in conditioner while rocking that natural. Relaxed kids love it too!
  

Kinky-Curly! Love this products for twisting the hair. Perfect for twist outs and also provides great moisture.

Miss Jessie's -slightly more expensive than Kinky Curly and provides an array of products for twist outs, shingling, and deep conditioning. (Product review forthcoming)

• Curly Meringue


• Curly Pudding
  
• Baby Buttercreme
  

Lastly, this article regarding 20 Things I wish I knew before I went Natural is a cute read!
http://www.nappturality.com/modules/wfsection/article.php?articleid=197

Tell us your hair stories. How do you care for your hair? Are you interested in transitioning? Got a product you love? Email us any product reviews you wish to see and we will provide product reviews as we move along. Let P.O.S.H. help!

Read More......